Anthony Ashdown met his husband Jake on a hot summer morning in Sydney in 2015. The meeting took place at a coffee shop in Miranda Fair, just days after they matched on a dating app. Ashdown was 33 years old and had recently ended a relationship where he felt he had to compromise his identity. He decided this new encounter would be different. He intended to be open about his life plans, including his role as a surrogate father for a lesbian couple.
A Shared Love of Nerd Culture
Jake arrived ten years younger than Ashdown. The two men had already chatted online, so the initial awkwardness of a first date was minimal. They spent the morning talking and laughing. Ashdown noted that their mutual interest in “nerd culture” felt revolutionary at the time. They quoted lines from The Simpsons, Friends, Star Wars, and Seinfeld. For Ashdown, finding another gay man who shared these specific interests was a significant relief.
After coffee, Jake suggested they go shopping to use up some expiring gift vouchers. Ashdown agreed. They went to a homewares store where Ashdown was looking for a beach towel. Jake began to tell a story. He smirked and said, “OK, picture it, Sicily, 1922.”
Those words triggered an immediate reaction in Ashdown. The phrase is the famous opening catchphrase of Sophia Petrillo in The Golden Girls. It was one of Ashdown’s favorite shows from childhood. He remembered watching it with his late grandmother. The show had advocated for gay rights and acceptance during a time when such topics were rarely discussed on television. Hearing Jake use that specific line felt like a sign of deep compatibility.
The Proposal on a First Date
Ashdown did not hesitate. He turned to Jake and blurted out, “Oh my God did you just quote Golden Girls at me? Marry me!” Jake chuckled and continued his story. Ashdown later reflected that while the proposal sounded brash, it was rooted in a genuine realization. He knew in that moment that he was going to marry that boy one day.
Ten years later, Ashdown was right. The couple married in April in Leura, a town in New South Wales. The wedding followed a week of heavy rain, which made the landscape particularly green. Ashdown wanted a unique look for the ceremony. He wore a ball gown on the bottom half. Jake, who had recently completed a fashion course, made the gown himself. Ashdown said wearing it made him feel like a true expression of who he was.
The couple has built a life together that includes Ashdown’s two daughters. Jake serves as a stepdad to them. Ashdown was recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD. He noted that Jake helps calm him down when he feels overwhelmed. They joke that Jake is the “Anthony whisperer.” Ashdown said they never fight and that conflicts resolve peacefully. He described Jake as gentle and non-combative. Ashdown stated he does not know how he would survive without him and would not change him for the world.
Source: The Guardian
